Do you know everything there is to know about
sex? Or are you unsure of the basics never mind the advanced stuff? Well, don't worry here are the answers you've been looking for.
1st time for...
won't be perfect the first time. But you can practise putting on a condom (on your own) before you have full sex. When the time is right, take everything slowly. Kiss, caress and explore your partners sex organs
before penetration. When you have an erection, and your partner is ready for you to go inside, get them to guide your penis in the right direction. Enter
very slowly, talking to your partner to make sure it feels ok. You may 'come' very quickly the first few times, but with practise you'll learn to control you ejaculation by thinking of non-sexy things. Some boys find it very difficult to 'come' - usually because they don't feel relaxed. Others find sex does feel as good as masturbation. Being open with your partner and talking to each other will make the whole experience better.
won't be perfect the first time. But make sure your contraception is sorted so you won't worry about getting pregnant. Only go for it when you feel ready and make sure he wears a condom. Take it slowly; kiss and
cuddle your partner and get him stroke you before going inside. Boys often 'come' more quickly than girls so get a head start by getting aroused. When you are ready and your vagina feels very wet, hold his erect
penis and guide him towards your vagina. Get him to go in very slowly and move gently until you both feel comfortable. You may bleed a little if you hymen was intact but it won't always hurt. Sex for girls can
sometimes feel disappointing because it doesn't always stimulate the clitoris. Ask him to also touch you or touch yourself. Being open with your partner and talking to each other will make the whole experience
What actually happens during sex?
Most people start their sexual relationship with kissing, and touching, which is also known as petting. This may not happen at once, and usually takes place over time, sometimes days, often
weeks and maybe even months.
Also, you don't have to move to the 'next stage' if you don't want to - only do what feels comfortable and right for you. Maybe you'll start with kissing, and French kissing (kissing with tongues) and after a while move on to touching and fondling areas such as the breasts and the genital region.
Gradually as you feel closer, you might experiment with oral sex (though some people choose not to do this and others choose only to go this far). This, along with kissing and touching is
known as foreplay and again, doesn't automatically lead to full sex.
With foreplay you'll experience what's known as arousal. If you are a guy this is easy to see, because you will get an erection (basically this means blood will surge into the penis and cause it to become erect). However, in a girl's body arousal is not so obvious. Signs to look for are a slight swell in the breasts; the clitoris (this is a small pea shaped bit above where your pee comes out and is the most sensitive and sexy female spot) very slightly protruding; and a wet, slippery feeling in the genitals.
Masturbation is normal, healthy and a good way of exploring your body. It means touching yourself for sexual pleasure. For boys, that means rubbing the penis, and girls, rubbing the area around the clitoris (the
girl's sexual hotspot). You can experiment to find out what feels good and it can make you 'come' - have an orgasm. Masturbation won't affect your sex life in the future and you won't go blind!
Many couples play with each others sex organs for pleasure. This is known
as 'heavy petting'. If you both do it at the same time, it is known as 'mutual masturbation'. It can be a very intimate experience, particularly if you don't feel ready for full sexual intercourse.
If you do decide to go for full sex, the next step is intercourse. This is basically penetration and means a boy will slide his penis into a girl's vagina. By this stage the vagina should be
quite naturally wet and this makes the penis enter more easily. If a girl's vagina is not wet it may mean she is not ready for penetration and needs more stimulation or perhaps she doesn't want sex at all. If either
partner isn't sure wait until you both are. If you both want sex but feel you need extra lubrication (wetness) try using KY jelly, you can buy this from any chemist. Once the penis is inside the vagina, both of you
will usually start to move together. This is known as 'bonking', 'shagging', 'doing it' and usually carries on until the boy ejaculates.
How do you know when you are ready?
The best rule is, if you don't feel ready you probably aren't.
Plus it's worth remembering, it's not a good idea to have sex because:
Someone else wants you to.
Someone says they'll leave you if you don't.
All your friends are doing it. You think you should.
You feel too scared to say 'no'.
When is sex legal?
Sex is legal at 16 in England, Scotland and Wales between a man and a woman or between two men.
In Northern Ireland sex is legal at 17 between a man and a woman and between two men.
There is no specific law about the age of consent for sex between two women.
What is an orgasm?
This is the climax of sexual excitement in both guys and girls. At the peak of sexual pleasure in the body, the sex organs contract in a series of muscular spasms, followed by a
feeling of release. Guys have an obvious sign of orgasm - ejaculation, while girls don't. In fact many girls don't have orgasms from intercourse, but from foreplay and oral sex.
Does doing it hurt?
No, though sex for the first time can be painful for a girl, as the penis breaks through the hymen. The hymen is an area of very thin membrane that covers the
opening of the vagina, and when torn causes a very small amount of bleeding (though in many girls the hymen is often broken before sex, by tampon use and sports so don't always expect to see blood).
What if a guy can't get it up?
It's not a sign he's got a problem, but it could be that he's stressed and anxious. If this happens relax, go back to kissing and try again later. There's no need to
hurry things - it might not all happen perfectly for the first time. Like most things, sex gets better with practice.
What if a girl can't get an orgasm?
Many women/girls take a while to learn what gives them an orgasm and what doesn't. Many do not orgasm through penetrative sex alone, and need an extra helping hand to
help them reach their climax, for example through foreplay, oral sex, or more kissing.
What is oral sex?
Oral Sex is using your mouth and tongue to stimulate your partner's genitals. Also known as cunnilingus (boy to girl, girl to girl), and fellatio (girl to boy, boy to boy), 'blow job',
(girl to boy, boy to boy), 'going down' (boy to girl or vice versa, or girl to girl, boy to boy).
Do sex and love go hand-in-hand?
Some people believe it should, and some disagree. Again, the important thing is to do what's right for you. Remember one thing though, sex doesn't equal love, so having
sex just to make someone love you won't work. Also, you might
want to think twice before having sex with someone if you are aware that you don't share their feelings (i.e. they say they're in love with you) - it might save a lot of future heartache if you think about things first.
What if someone asks me to do something and I don't know what it is?
Sex is full of slang, which means what one person calls a blow job another calls oral sex.
If you're ever stuck when someone asks you to do something, and you're too embarrassed to ask, just say no. Then later quiz your friends, sex education books and this website for more details.
Is it ever safe not to use a condom?
Not if you want to make sure you stay clear of an unplanned pregnancy and sexual transmitted infections.
If you've had sex once and decide you don't want to do it
again, can you say no the next time?
With sex you can say no any time you want. Just because you've done it once doesn't mean you have to do it again.
Does being good at sex come naturally?
No, like anything learning to be good at sex takes time and practice. If you're prepared to listen, learn and take your time and not just go for a quick 'bonk' every time, you'll soon pick it up.
Also, it is important to talk to your partner, tell him or her what you like and what feels good. Sex is more likely to be a positive experience if you can be open with your partner.